In this new sem, something is changing liao…. The classroom changing cz most of d class at audi, just 1 class is in the classroom….the coursemate cz got many new ppl….and some other thing….
Dun knw why, in this new sem, I feel like I dun wan to care more thing oledi…cause the 1st year in the segi or last few year, I care too much…but I care about what is a secret lah…. Now, I just like have a new life style…. This few day I keep thinking, why I change and what make me change…. The answer maybe is, in holiday I take care of my nephew? Hm…. Not very sure… maybe taking care of them make me become more patient guah.. but seeing them make me feel like, how long i don’t have a happy life liao?? Maybe after graduate from primary school…or earlier? In my childhood, my sister always play with me, but when im 9 years old, they all go out to work or study liao. So that time I suddenly feel like very boring and got a bit autistic… since that time, I seldom go out to play liao.. I always stay at home and do nothing. That time I suddenly dun know if I going out, where can I go or where should I go?
At f3, my father didn’t working liao. So since that time, I starting to become a little bit stingy and always think of my family. That time my sister also feel that im changing liao, she say im just like a “guan jia po”. At Form4, I want to change to study account, but my sis and parent didn’t permit it. When form5, I really dun know what teacher talking about and cnt remember anything from the book. And that time, my house d economy not very well, so I know that if I cnt get a good results, my parent sure will let me to study at college…but study at college is very expensive.. so I still remember that time I try my best to study, and I feeling very stress… but no ppl know about it.. and my parent also say that I lock inside the room is sleeping but not studying… what can I say? I dun know since when, I cnt sleep well at night.. every night I insomnia…and it become a part of my life till now…. sometime thinking of my future…I cry…. I dun wan to become my family burden… and when I know that I cnt gt in matrix, and my results although all is credit but not very good. I still smile in front of every people..but who know that im hide inside the room and cry whole nite… no ppl know about it….
At form 6, I want to change take account again, but my family force me to continue study science… although I say that im not very good in science, but they say that, I dun have any account basic, how I study it and so on… tat time, I really dun wan let my parent know about my results at all, I dun want they too worry about me…if they ask me about my results, I just say still ok, all pass… and the results come out… i know my family feeling disappointed, but they still say nvm, now got many college, u can continue study there…. But that time I really feeling like dun wan to continue study and start working… but sure my family not allow it!! And when choosing the college, I show that I not interest about everythg… and at the end, my sister settle it for me..
I ask some of my friends, and also my best friends, what do they think about me. Most of them will say that im a very positive person and not very care about other thing and I stil remember 1 of my friend say im very “xiao sha”… maybe I really make them feel like this way, but actually they dun know me well… im a kind of person like dun like to disturb other people and dun like to “fan” other people, although some of the thing if I doing it by myself very take a long time or difficult to finish it, but I sure I will done it by myself, cause I always think that, other people also got their thing to do, what for I disturb them leh…haiz… so, maybe this kind of feeling make my friends think that no need to worry about me…and my family also feel like this… I stay at hostel for 1 month or more, they sure wont call me and ask about my life style here. If they really call me, sure is they want to ask something like where is the thing or how to do it or other else. So, sometime I really feel lonely and feeling that this world very boring… but what can I do? It not easy for me to change that… haiz…
Write till here.. im feel no mood to do anything again… haiz…..
Labels: feeling
